Resolution Towards Renewal

Faced with long lists of New Year’s resolutions and pronouncements of things to do and not do during the new year, I ask “what for?” After we have listed down things we resolve to do during the year, what then? Do we actually go on and stay faithful to our pronouncements? Or do we just go on with our lives and remember our list only after we have “violated” it?

The practice of listing down New Year’s resolutions, I have come to realize, has a more important purpose than to make us simply declare our desire to change our bad ways or to do good. I think that listing down New Year’s resolutions has the greater purpose of opening our eyes to what we have become and what we have yet to become. It should be an acknowledgement of the things we have achieved… a reaffirmation of the things we believe in… a reassessment of what we have become… a re-checking of our goals in life… and a vow to actually do something to become the person we want to be.

Imagine that you are going up a long and winding staircase. You are now at a landing. Stop. Look inside and outside yourself and get a clear picture of who you are in the present time. What have you become as a result of past experiences? What lessons have left indelible imprints on your person? What values that you hold are non-negotiable? Write everything down. Make a self-portrait.

Once you have everything down in writing, assess yourself. Do you like who you have become? What do you want to change about who you are? Are you willing to make these changes? How do you actually want to live your life? What do you actually want to achieve in your life? What are you aspiring for?

In one of my readings, I came across a quote that goes “if it is not in writing, it is not a GOAL, it is a WISH, a DREAM, a NEVER-HAPPEN.” If you want to achieve something, the first thing you have to do is to visualize it and write it down. You can keep a journal or you may choose to simply write down your goal on a sheet of paper and post it where you will always see it. Put your goals in writing. What are your short term goals? your long term goals? How do you see yourself 5 years from now? 10 years from now? 15 years from now?

Now that it is clear where you want to go, make your action plan. What are the things you have to do to attain your goals? Take small steps. Compartmentalize into important facets of your life – your career, your relationships, your physical appearance, your spirituality etc.. Your action plan should be realistic and doable. Open your mind and heart. You have to be willing to take these steps. If your action plan is to set aside 10 minutes everyday as your personal time, make sure you get your 10 minutes to yourself. Do not get up and do the laundry or pick up the phone or clean up the mess in the kitchen… these chores have their own time slot.

Be willing to make small changes along the way… to revise your plan as you go… not for the worse but for the better. Sometimes you have to retrace your steps to get to the right path… but be careful not to wander off too far in the wrong direction. That’s why it is important that your goals and action plans are in writing... so you can revisit it and check your progress.

Remember that your renewal is a continuing process. Be patient with yourself. Be happy with yourself. What is important is that you are moving towards what you really want to achieve, towards what you really want to become. Take the first step: decide on what you want to achieve. Then draw up and be faithful to your action plan. And then watch yourself metamorphose into your dream self. • • • January 4, 2006 • • •

Woes of an Unyielding Parent

When I quit my full-time job to become a full-time mom and a part-time marketing communications consultant and insurance agent, it felt like I was liberated from the steely corporate world into a world where I can do whatever I want and be with those who matter most to me. Yes, I gave up my career to be with my family… not without the elders shaking their heads at me. I followed my heart and took the plunge nevertheless.

Giving up my career isn’t the end of life. I still get to challenge my gray matter with consultancy work and with agency work. To top it all off, I constantly have to come up with creative ways to rear my daughter. Ahhhh, my daughter! She’s my greatest challenge. She’s my greatest motivation. Now, that’s the story I want to share.

Not having to be at the office at 8am means more time with my husband and daughter, more time to do stuff with them and make stuff for them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Martha Stewart or Betty Crocker but I sure have a knack for crafts and cookery. These are things I enjoy doing for my husband and my daughter. And, oh what a compliment it is to see their faces full of pleasure and enjoyment.

My daughter’s infancy and toddler years were a breeze. She’s more active than most but not all that much trouble. Come year 3, things started to go haywire. Nobody told me that the Terrible Twos extended way beyond the 2nd year. She’d talk off her head for hours, run around like crazy and reason like a teenager. More so, when she started schooling. I cannot help but feel like I’m the most inadequate parent around. Like I do not deserve the honor of being given a child to raise. There are times I thought maybe my daughter would’ve been better off having someone else for a mother.

A child is like Jello. Pure, simple and could be molded into whatever you want. It is delicately flavored and should be handled carefully. Once molded, it is difficult to change its shape. You have to melt it again and re-mold it. People want Jello different ways, mixed with fruit, drizzled with syrup, mixed with milk and so many other ways. The simplicity is gone. A well-made Jello, stands on its own… mixes with others but holds its own shape. It jiggles but it keeps its shape. Such is a well-raised child.

Raising my child with all the different influences around us is a challenge. It is a challenge to enforce rules without being regarded as a witch… I was, by the way, called a witch by my sisters when we were growing up. I have to be firm without being stifling. There are times when I felt like all I do is nag. No to this, no to that. But, what’s a parent to do? When a little child challenges you, what should you do? Funny, and childish, but you count to ten. :o) Then mentally compose your next statement. Be careful of what you say or you might regret it. A child’s mind is a recordable instrument. They seldom forget.

My daughter and I share happy times. Lots of them… cuddling on the bed, watching cartoons together, driving around, food trips in UP, working on jigsaw puzzles, nuzzling cheeks and noses, taking baths, walking the dog, doing homework, coloring her books, reading, doing crossword puzzles… oh, how precious these moments are. There’s more to come, I am sure. My child is a happy child. I sure hope she thinks I’m a happy mom too.

I love being a mom. But sometimes our jobs as parents are made difficult by the influences around us. That’s why we take extra care in choosing our caregivers, the school we take our children to, the TV shows we let them watch etc.. We do it now while we still can. But, what about the time when we no longer have control over these influences. We work hard now so that when that time comes, our children are able to decide for themselves what influences to welcome and what influences to shun. That’s our job… to prepare them for the future.

Amidst the contradicting forces and varied influences, I will stand steadfast in my determination to rear my daughter and mold her into the best that she can be. I shall not yield to the hurdles strewn my way. I might be an unyielding mom, but I am also most definitely a loving, caring and nurturing mom. It’s a tough job being a parent, but raising a child and seeing her through successes and failures could well be worth more than anything else in this world.